State of the Jay
Apr. 11th, 2007 06:31 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
linden_jayThis is another one of those 'so much stuff tumbling around in my head I can't figure out what to talk about first' days. Ugh. But, trying to put it off until I've got time to write about all of it isn't making that list of stuff any shorter, so here goes.
Some of you know this, some of you don't, but we're moving. Those of you who've been around for a few years will remember the great trek from British Columbia all the way out here to Ontario. Well, we're doing the same thing all over again, but in reverse. All the way back to BC, all the way back to the town I grew up in, even all the way back to the spare room at my in laws house. And we're doing it by the end of May.
We still don't know how it is we're going to handle the actual move across country. Last time, we drove in a U-Haul, which took about six and a half days from start to finish, including two stops along the way where we visited people for a night. We're not sure that's going to be an option this time, because in just under three years, the cost to rent a U-Haul has about doubled, not to mention that gas prices are substantially higher now than they were then. Also, the cats didn't handle the drive particularly well then--when you're driving 8-12 hours a day and you've got them in a carrier, it's really hard to get them to drink/eat enough to keep them from getting dehydrated, and they're three years older now. There are a number of options--container shipping, a moving company, AH taking a much smaller vehicle and driving by himself, while I fly with the cats... we're looking into all of them right now, and hoping to make a decision as soon as possible.
The one thing that we know for sure is that we have to substantially downgrade our possessions before we make the trip, because we can't afford to ship all of our furniture, and a lot of our things wouldn't survive a trip that far anyway. Part of me is liking the opportunity to get rid of things that we've been lugging around and don't need. Part of me is clinging to things that I've had since before we were married, things that were wedding presents, things I don't want to lose. The problem with getting married when you're just a wee creature like I was, when you've got nothing, is that you get a lot of practical things as wedding gifts. This isn't actually a problem until you're faced with the decision of leaving behind your toaster/microwave/electric fry pan/bookshelf/dresser/mixing bowls, etc--all of which were wedding gifts. All of which you can replace for less than it would cost you to move them.
Sucks. Sucks to be poor, sucks to have to make those choices. And I'm making them, I'm doing it... but I don't like it. I don't have to.
So we're trying to give away or sell just about everything. We're keeping all of our books. We're both readers, and AH was here doing a Masters and then PHD in history, so as you can imagine, we've got a box (or twelve) of books. As an exercise sometime, go through a shelf--just one shelf--on your bookshelf, and try and figure out what it would cost you to replace just that one shelf, even buying the books used. Do the same for a shelf of DVD's. It'll blow your mind and freak you out, just how much the replacement cost is for that sort of thing. So our books, our DVD's and cd's, they're all coming with us. The trick with that is it means we have to find a way of moving our things where we can insure them for what they'd cost to replace, should they be stolen or damaged. Because otherwise, what's the point in paying to ship them? And yet, it's harder than it should be to find companies that will insure you for that.
This has been my life, for the past month or so when we made the final decision to move back to BC, even though the Academic Husband doesn't have a job there yet. Even though we don't have a place to live and are having to move in with my in laws for an indeterminate amount of time. Even though we're moving back into the same city as my parents. Again, those of you who've known me for a long time will know just how crazy the whole living in that town was making me the last time I lived there. I moved 4000 km across the country to escape a lot of the same crap that I'm now turning around and voluntarily going back to.
This is one of those situations that I'm sure I'm going to look back on later and laugh. The character building part of the life and times of Jay. It's also something I don't have much of a choice about right now. Living here isn't getting us anywhere. I can't go to school here and have it transfer over without a ridiculous amount of fuss and bother. AH can't work as a high school teacher--even though he's accredited in BC--without doing additional schooling here. And anyone who's ever done graduate work knows that it pays shit, even with a TAship.
We're tired of living somewhere under the poverty line's boots. We're tired of crappy apartments and creepy redneck neighbours who holler in the halls and bang on the door in the middle of the night. We're tired of accruing more and more debt, without a possibility of paying any of it off. And if this move means that we can start working towards changing a few of those things, then it's absolutely the right thing to do.
So, it's back to BC. It's six weeks of packing and stressing and somehow making my way across the country. It's moving in with my in laws--who I love and are wonderful people--but it's still feeling like a guest in someone else’s home, and having to either pretend to be 'normal' and not crazy depressive insomniac girl, or having to explain again and again and again that insomnia is not a matter of not drinking Pepsi after six pm, and that depression isn't solvable by just picking yourself up by your bootstraps--I wear flip flops (we actually call them thongs, but then people imagine me wearing panties on my feet).
It's being around my parents who are good people and love me, but don't understand depression, have never understood me (oh, my high school child tale of woe, welcome back!), and I swear, could kill me with their 'good intentions'. It's back to a small town with a regrettably large population of small minded people, prejudice and stereotype, people of faith who are an inspiration and an example of acceptance and love, and people of faith whose beliefs are so bible belt they should have personalized belt buckles to prove it.
It's also back to a place with a climate I love, where there are mountains and lakes and forests, and you don't have to travel far for any or all of those three things to be close. Places where there's all four seasons, where humidity is something that you get right before a thunderstorm and that's it. It's a place that brings me closer to family and friends I've only seen twice in three years, to grandparents who are getting older and I want to spend more time with. It's a place--a province, at least, if not the specific town I'm going back to--that I've missed a lot. All that other stuff aside, and not ignoring that it is going to be hard and frustrating and everything else... it's back to a place that's home.
Things are going to be a little (lot) discombobulated over here for the next few-couple months. I'm alternating between being totally cool and fine about the move, and then freaking the absolute fuck out. I'm trying to keep things as business as usual as possible, but if I forget something, a tag, an email, a post, anything, well... my brain isn't always cooperating with the whole business as usual not freaking out thing. So, I'll either be normal (as normal as I get), or possibly a little emo if I start running out of boxes or something...
Some of you know this, some of you don't, but we're moving. Those of you who've been around for a few years will remember the great trek from British Columbia all the way out here to Ontario. Well, we're doing the same thing all over again, but in reverse. All the way back to BC, all the way back to the town I grew up in, even all the way back to the spare room at my in laws house. And we're doing it by the end of May.
We still don't know how it is we're going to handle the actual move across country. Last time, we drove in a U-Haul, which took about six and a half days from start to finish, including two stops along the way where we visited people for a night. We're not sure that's going to be an option this time, because in just under three years, the cost to rent a U-Haul has about doubled, not to mention that gas prices are substantially higher now than they were then. Also, the cats didn't handle the drive particularly well then--when you're driving 8-12 hours a day and you've got them in a carrier, it's really hard to get them to drink/eat enough to keep them from getting dehydrated, and they're three years older now. There are a number of options--container shipping, a moving company, AH taking a much smaller vehicle and driving by himself, while I fly with the cats... we're looking into all of them right now, and hoping to make a decision as soon as possible.
The one thing that we know for sure is that we have to substantially downgrade our possessions before we make the trip, because we can't afford to ship all of our furniture, and a lot of our things wouldn't survive a trip that far anyway. Part of me is liking the opportunity to get rid of things that we've been lugging around and don't need. Part of me is clinging to things that I've had since before we were married, things that were wedding presents, things I don't want to lose. The problem with getting married when you're just a wee creature like I was, when you've got nothing, is that you get a lot of practical things as wedding gifts. This isn't actually a problem until you're faced with the decision of leaving behind your toaster/microwave/electric fry pan/bookshelf/dresser/mixing bowls, etc--all of which were wedding gifts. All of which you can replace for less than it would cost you to move them.
Sucks. Sucks to be poor, sucks to have to make those choices. And I'm making them, I'm doing it... but I don't like it. I don't have to.
So we're trying to give away or sell just about everything. We're keeping all of our books. We're both readers, and AH was here doing a Masters and then PHD in history, so as you can imagine, we've got a box (or twelve) of books. As an exercise sometime, go through a shelf--just one shelf--on your bookshelf, and try and figure out what it would cost you to replace just that one shelf, even buying the books used. Do the same for a shelf of DVD's. It'll blow your mind and freak you out, just how much the replacement cost is for that sort of thing. So our books, our DVD's and cd's, they're all coming with us. The trick with that is it means we have to find a way of moving our things where we can insure them for what they'd cost to replace, should they be stolen or damaged. Because otherwise, what's the point in paying to ship them? And yet, it's harder than it should be to find companies that will insure you for that.
This has been my life, for the past month or so when we made the final decision to move back to BC, even though the Academic Husband doesn't have a job there yet. Even though we don't have a place to live and are having to move in with my in laws for an indeterminate amount of time. Even though we're moving back into the same city as my parents. Again, those of you who've known me for a long time will know just how crazy the whole living in that town was making me the last time I lived there. I moved 4000 km across the country to escape a lot of the same crap that I'm now turning around and voluntarily going back to.
This is one of those situations that I'm sure I'm going to look back on later and laugh. The character building part of the life and times of Jay. It's also something I don't have much of a choice about right now. Living here isn't getting us anywhere. I can't go to school here and have it transfer over without a ridiculous amount of fuss and bother. AH can't work as a high school teacher--even though he's accredited in BC--without doing additional schooling here. And anyone who's ever done graduate work knows that it pays shit, even with a TAship.
We're tired of living somewhere under the poverty line's boots. We're tired of crappy apartments and creepy redneck neighbours who holler in the halls and bang on the door in the middle of the night. We're tired of accruing more and more debt, without a possibility of paying any of it off. And if this move means that we can start working towards changing a few of those things, then it's absolutely the right thing to do.
So, it's back to BC. It's six weeks of packing and stressing and somehow making my way across the country. It's moving in with my in laws--who I love and are wonderful people--but it's still feeling like a guest in someone else’s home, and having to either pretend to be 'normal' and not crazy depressive insomniac girl, or having to explain again and again and again that insomnia is not a matter of not drinking Pepsi after six pm, and that depression isn't solvable by just picking yourself up by your bootstraps--I wear flip flops (we actually call them thongs, but then people imagine me wearing panties on my feet).
It's being around my parents who are good people and love me, but don't understand depression, have never understood me (oh, my high school child tale of woe, welcome back!), and I swear, could kill me with their 'good intentions'. It's back to a small town with a regrettably large population of small minded people, prejudice and stereotype, people of faith who are an inspiration and an example of acceptance and love, and people of faith whose beliefs are so bible belt they should have personalized belt buckles to prove it.
It's also back to a place with a climate I love, where there are mountains and lakes and forests, and you don't have to travel far for any or all of those three things to be close. Places where there's all four seasons, where humidity is something that you get right before a thunderstorm and that's it. It's a place that brings me closer to family and friends I've only seen twice in three years, to grandparents who are getting older and I want to spend more time with. It's a place--a province, at least, if not the specific town I'm going back to--that I've missed a lot. All that other stuff aside, and not ignoring that it is going to be hard and frustrating and everything else... it's back to a place that's home.
Things are going to be a little (lot) discombobulated over here for the next few-couple months. I'm alternating between being totally cool and fine about the move, and then freaking the absolute fuck out. I'm trying to keep things as business as usual as possible, but if I forget something, a tag, an email, a post, anything, well... my brain isn't always cooperating with the whole business as usual not freaking out thing. So, I'll either be normal (as normal as I get), or possibly a little emo if I start running out of boxes or something...
