linden_jay: (Baby is sleeping...shhh...)
Okay, we all knew I wasn't gonna make it to 40 weeks. Next to no twin mums do, and chances are, if you make it to 38, you're going to get served an eviction notice. But my guys decided that even 38 was too long for them, and came a full four weeks early, at 36 weeks and, well. 14 and 21 minutes, respectively.

And if I was planning to do a recap of Life With Twins, of my pregnancy, my labour and delivery, you'd think I'd have done it four weeks ago, when the aliens turned one. But it turns out that when aliens turn one, and you invite a whole bunch of people into town to celebrate the mad event, and you're working a new job and are on day 9 of an 11 day stretch, you don't have the time you'd expect to be able to write a post about how Life With Twins is insane. Because, as it turns out... life with twins is too insane. Go figure.

The other mark of how life with twins is insane is that the birth post that I was going to put up? Never exactly materialized. It's funny how you plan to do things, and life just looks at you, pats you on the head, and tells you that you're just so very pretty. So I'm going to do that now, and I'm going to throw it behind a cut, because if we know me, it'll be long, and if you don't want to read potentially TMI-like details regarding birth? I will not be offended if you don't hop behind the cut. I'll be putting up a proper picture post later where I won't talk about placentas at all, I promise, and if you just want to see cute pictures of the Frog and the Monkey, you can scamper off to there.

So. Twelve months ago today was my due date. But thirteen months ago? I had my aliens. )
linden_jay: (Natalie- The Professional)
Okay. I have Things, and I've decided to separate them into two different posts, because they're whoa nelly different, and combining them would feel wrong. This post is all made up of good things. Thinky things and bad things will come later.

Today, I had a low-key and totally awesome birthday, which is just the way I like them. )

Oh, also randomly, I have a Wonder. Is there an icon that you particularly associate with being 'me'? I ask this because there are people who are much more locked into a default than I have always been, and I don't know that I've got an icon that I super regularly use as 'me', and yet there are lots of people who I totally associate with a particular icon.

This came up tonight a few times, once when I linked to an icon which was totally blank and unfancy, with no name attached, but just from the specific picture, the person I was talking to said 'oh that's [so and so's] icon!'. So now I'm curious. What icon do you think of when you think of me? What says 'Jay'? (And if this is over on dreamwidth, I really need to get on that whole paid account thing so I can actually have my 'me' icons uploaded, and not just a few!)
linden_jay: (Leverage- Hardison can't hack a hick)
1) I am tired. Raise your hand if you're shocked. Really, I need to find a new #1 thing to whine about, but it's just so, well. True.

2) The aliens have been getting slightly better about sleeping now that they're not sick anymore, but that didn't stop them from having a truly epically wretched night last night. Poor Monkey kept falling asleep and waking up in hysterics, like she was having nightmares, and the Frog was just completely stubborn and Do Not Want as regards sleep. I blame it on them having shit naps on Sunday in the daytime. Hopefully I can break the cycle if I can get them down for two good naps today.

3) Work continues to be... interesting. I only get one more training shift at my actual job before I'm all on my own on a weekend *cue panic*. I left a note for my boss that said I didn't feel ready and that I'd like one more training shift before my last training shift, but he never called me back. Which leads me to:

4) Work has called me three times already today. At nine am. NINE AM. 1) I have babies, and 2), dude, I know I didn't work last night, but I work the night shift. Who calls someone who works the night shift at nine am!?!?! The first was to ask me about my tax forms (which I left in a pile with the note that never got answered, so clearly he didn't find those), the second was to ask me for my Social Insurance Number, and the third was to ask me for my birthday. This is all for my paycheque, so y'know. I'll take the calls, but he better not have been kidding when he promised not to call again today.

5) I am on episode 12 of Season Two of Doctor Who. I have been warned by [livejournal.com profile] ashinae that my opinions re: some things/characters/whatnot might be considered heretical in circles, so I will tread carefully until I know what kind of Whosits I have on my flist. I will say this though--watching Doctor Who? Making Torchwood make OH so very much more sense.

6) It may be Monday, but I have hot chocolate, three cattens curled up on my bed, and napping aliens. I'll take that as a win, for now.
linden_jay: (Not enough Pepsi in the world...)
... I got the job. Part-time for now. I start tonight. At 11pm. And the babies are flat-out refusing to take a nap so that I can nap too, after being worn out by the ER trip and very little sleep last night due to sick, hacking baby whose antibiotics haven't kicked in yet.

I predict that this will be a day wherein there is not enough Pepsi in the universe, let alone the world.

But- I got the job! Yay me!
linden_jay: (Otter is sleepy)
Sigh. The Frog did not sleep. I know, right? Shock. He's still sick, still snotty, and I think he keeps trying to breathe through his nose in the middle of the night, not being able to do it, and freaking himself out into a coughing fit because of it. Every. 45. to. 90. Minutes. Good grief on toast.

You know it's bad when the babies are so tired and snarky that they can't get through a bowl of applesauce. Take a bite, lip tremble, SOB. Only an hour after they wake up. Okay, back to bed for you. Never mind that Mummy hasn't slept yet, that's immaterial! Clearly we need a nap! Except... why are you bouncing in your crib? Two minutes ago you were so tired you were rubbing apple sauce in your eyes and hair... and now you're bouncing? WOT? That makes NO SENSE.

Babies are freaks, man. Also possibly evil.

I was already prepared for today to suck. I'm a month away from running out of maternity leave (I know, cry moar you Canadian, with your year long paid maternity leave), but that means that I need to find more work. Because my job won't start up again until September, because that's when the new school year starts.

There are two things I hate more than anything in the world: doing the cold call walk in the door and drop off a resume thing, and training for a new job once I get the new job. HATE HATE HATE. I hate not being good at things. I hate the fucking up until you get it right stage. Plus, I'm convinced that my resume looks like it was put together by a particularly intelligent Shi-tzu.

I think that I don't hear babies. Oh please, please let me be right. I am so tired.
linden_jay: (Get Fuzzy- Dear Lord Make it stop)
I remember when baby sneezes were cute. Kind of wee tiny and precious and adorable. That lasts as long as them getting their first icky disgusting head cold. Which, okay, they're mostly better now--no fevers, not so congested that they can't function, but they're still coughing, and there's still STUFF. It's like they're little ticking time bombs of gross. Look at them wrong, and they EXPLODE.

And of course, their little noses are sore, so trying to mop them up with a tissue or a cloth, no matter how gentle, produces shrieks so loud that any minute now someone is going to knock on my door and ask me what on earth I am DOING to those children you horrible woman.

This is my world right now. Grumpy, post-cold, current-disgusting children who think sleep and tissues should be outlawed under the Geneva Convention. The next person that tells me that having twins must be so much fun/omg, I wish I had twins/it can't be that much harder than a single baby? They're getting kicked in the shins.

With steel toed boots. I'm just saying.
linden_jay: (Frog and Monkey)
Why? Because this is my wee frog, who is still supposed to be a tiny baby and not growing up and getting ready for y'know, his own car, and university, and dating, and whatever, but here he is, at ten months, sixteen days, and he's standing, all by himself.



*does [livejournal.com profile] iharthdarth BREATHE*

I'm not ready! Where did my tiny wee alien who left the hospital at under five pounds go?

And you know, his sister's not far behind him. Look!



I think I really do need to go lie down. Or have a drink. Or a cry. My babies are growing up!

*awesome Hollywood t-shirt from [livejournal.com profile] sabrinagb

**awesome monkey dress from [livejournal.com profile] ashinae


A few more GIANT ALIEN pictures behind the cut... )
linden_jay: (Canadian Money)
Anyone want to guess what I've been watching? I know, I'm Canadian and this is the first time I'm actually watching Due South, which I think [livejournal.com profile] apetslife has been trying to pimp me into for even longer than the Fast and Furious franchise. I'm about halfway into my second disc, in the middle of an episode where there is a baby and a baby faced Mark Ruffalo, and this episode is making me SAD. Because however it ends up, it's going to be sad in some way and I don't ever like adoption storylines because it just... something always feels sad about the whole thing, whichever way the adoption goes. Which I suppose is realistic. I just don't have to like it. SAD.

But. Still. I have questions. Questions which the Due South people will have to answer for me, as I am, of course, very late coming to this party.

Fetish mounties? In 1994? )

In unrelated to that news, the babies are both disgustingly sick. Frog's worse than Monkey right now, with the head cold to beat all head colds, combined with a truly disgusting cough. I'm still not even going to get into the colours of what's coming out of their noses, except gross. I've had a humidifier going in the nursery around the clock, to the point that I hear white noise every time I close my eyes. I've clearly watched too much SPN because it's freaking me out. Still. Poor wee ones.

So if you don't see me right now, it's because I'm packing around wee aliens who are doing their best to wipe every yucky thing coming out of their noses and mouths on every shirt I own. Pray for me.
linden_jay: (Candle)
I wonder if I went back and did a check, how often I'd find that as the lead up phrase in any post I write? Probably it would just depress me if I found out the answer to that. I haven't slept yet--at all--and I still need to go out shopping for jeans, go to a physio appointment, and then--joy of joys--I will be taking the babies on their first airplane ride as we go to visit my grandmother and aunt for a week. My mother's coming with me, I'm not so totally insane to fly with two not-quite-ten-month-olds on my own.

I'll be gone for the better part of a week, and I won't have much access to the internet, although I will be at least checking email, so if anyone needs to get a hold of me, use that, or contact [livejournal.com profile] fiercy or [livejournal.com profile] ashinae. They can track me down.

This has been a really tough week for a lot of people I care about. I'm crossposting this, and of course many of you already know this all too well, but for those who don't, we lost [livejournal.com profile] lunasv to cancer this past week. I have thoughts, and I'm trying to get them in coherent order, and if I do, before I go, I'll post them. For now, I have two things to say. I respected [livejournal.com profile] lunasv deeply, as a writer, as a person, as a mother, and as a friend, and I wish very much that I'd known her better. The second is, in the words of [livejournal.com profile] apetslife, fuck cancer. Fuck it so hard. I know that's not a positive or uplifting thought, and I'm usually better at those, but I'm so tired of losing people to it.

Take care of each other, and be good to yourselves. Be at peace.
linden_jay: (Get Fuzzy- Dear Lord Make it stop)
I have a case of the pouts.

My boy is away, which was my idea in the first place, and I'm very glad he went and got some time off and had a vacation, because the last year or more has been really rough on him. Yes, it's been rough on me too, with the being pregnant and having twins and having two surgeries, but he's been the one who picked up the slack in absolutely every area of our lives, and done it amazingly, while working full time as a substitute teacher (which he really doesn't like, which is even more exhausting). So I don't resent him being away at all.

But this week has sucked. )
linden_jay: (Kitten- shite)
Fuck.

So, yeah. We've had family visiting this weekend, and that's been stressful, as well as completely blowing any sleep schedule that the babies have to shit, not that they take to scheduling all that well at the best of times. But you can guarantee that when they get home at 10pm, it's not gonna do anything good for getting them to sleep, and to sleep well. So two nights this weekend, it's been pretty much a wash as far as having them sleep anything even close to resembling the night. So I've been up with them a couple times a night, which I'm used to, but I've been struggling with sleep myself by the time I finally get them both down, or it's late enough so the Academic Husband can take over if they do wake up.

This whole time, we've had a double bed in the nursery, and one of us has always slept in the same room as the babies, either having one in each room, or both in the nursery and one of us in there. But they've been finally sleeping longer than 2 hours at a time (thank you Frog), so I decided to move the bed into the office, which is right next to the nursery, freeing up some room in the nursery for a couple of dressers, which we really need because baby clothes spawn more baby clothes. Especially socks.

It was six am before I think I finally went to sleep at all, maybe later, and the boy got a call that he had to work, so I had to be up again by eight. I got up, hung out with the babies, and since they were cranky (unsurprising), I put them both down to sleep by about eight thirty. Frog in the master bedroom in a playpen, Monkey in the nursery in her crib. I usually split them up for naps so that they don't disturb each other if one sleeps longer.

And I thought, hey, since I'm exhausted off my ass, why don't I try that 'sleep while the baby sleeps' thing that I've been hearing about. Apparently all the cool kids are doing it. So I went into the office (so not to disturb the Frog sleeping in the master bedroom) and curled up under the covers.

And I wake up at about 12:30, with my mom standing at the foot of my bed.

She and my husband had been trying to reach me, and couldn't. They called my cell phone, which was right next to my head. I didn't hear it. They called the land line, which is very loud and annoying. I didn't hear it. So my mom decided to swing by on her lunch break and find out if we were all sleeping. Oh, I was sleeping all right. But the babies weren't. They were in hysterics, screaming and crying, and I didn't hear it. Not a bit of it. I just kept sleeping. And there's no way for me to know how long they were crying like that.

So my mom calmed my sobbing children down, fed them lunch, woke me to check on me, let me sleep another hour or so, then woke me up for a shower before she left around two. And right now, I feel so guilty and horrible about the whole thing that I could either burst into tears or throw up. Maybe both.
linden_jay: (Heroes- Don't fuck with Ali)
So vacation is over. Vacation is over, life returns to normal tomorrow, and my children still do not sleep, as evidenced by the Monkey lying on my lap while I type, fighting sleep like it's trying to eat her alive, and the Frog downstairs with the AH, babbling away and doing pretty much exactly the same thing. My life: welcome to it.

So, does it make a difference if you list goals for the year, instead of resolutions? Because there's this big backlash to resolutions, of course, but goals... maybe goals are different. I don't know. I know that Jack did the 101 in 1001 things, and I'm considering that. I feel like I need some direction. Or maybe my inner organizational geek is just shining through, as always.

One thing I know for sure--my house is in the process of being severely organized, and that's gonna be something that sticks this year. I can't live in chaos anymore--it's breaking my brain, and chaos provides choking hazards for small ones. Which is not so good, considering that the Frog is days away from crawling.

*The Daily Bitch
linden_jay: (Get Fuzzy- Dear Lord Make it stop)
2010 is here, and thank fuck for that. Seriously. I have never had a year that I was so happy to see end as 2009, and I know it's been that way for a lot of people that I love. So goodbye, 2009. Don't let the door hit you where the good lord split you, as they say. I got two good things in 2009, and they're both sleeping right now, which is another thing I'm grateful for. I might do some of those retrospective things in the next day or so, if I can stop hissing at 2009 long enough to get them typed. But for tonight, at least:

The Bad )

The Good )

What's sad? I know I've missed some of the bad stuff, but I'm pretty sure that I got all of the good stuff.

Anyway--goodbye, 2009. You will not be missed.

*From my 2010 'The Daily Bitch' calendar, which I was given for Christmas by my mother in law. I love that our relationship is such that she can give me a Daily Bitch calendar, and she knows it'll make me laugh. I'm planning on using them as my status messages for the year, as I try and post more.
linden_jay: (Frog and Monkey)
So just to get the obvious out of the way--I'm tired, I'm stressy, and the Frog has absolutely no concept of what sleep is supposed to be, or that it's a nice and good thing, and that all the cool kids are doing it. I'm feeling frazzled, I'm low on creative brain, which is making me feel even more frazzled, and I'm dog paddling as fast as I can, determined to keep my head above water.

That said? I really need to focus on the positive here, so this is going to be a post where I goo about my kids. And post a lot of pictures. You stand warned.

The aliens are just over six months old. )
linden_jay: (Jared and his emo hoodie)
I've been out of sorts lately, behind in writing and posting and commenting and tagging in all the games that I'm in, on my journal, on my everywhere. And it's been bugging me and stressing me out when I realized that it's been since sometime in August since I've posted anything, and that I've got a few tags that have been lingering since spring. I hate that. I hate not being organized, and I really hate being behind. And then I started doing the math on things.

In May--there were those baby-creatures who showed up, and a twelve day hospital stay to go along with it.

Summer--baby things, combined with insanely hot temperatures that made doing anything just about impossible.

And then? August hit, and that's when things really fell apart. )
linden_jay: (Gummi Bears--Tools of Revenge)
Isn't part of the fun in having twins that you can conduct experiments?

Like, have one of them watch the Star Wars moving in release order (4, 5, 6, 1, 2, 3), and have one of them watch them in numerical order?

Or would that be wrong?

This pondering brought to you by Jay on far too little sleep.
linden_jay: (Firefly- Drained of blood)
So, today, my aliens are being baptized. This is a special event in our church, and in our family, particularly the Academic husband's family, who have been Lutheran for as long as there have been Lutherans. We have godparents who have traveled a long way to be here for the service, his uncle is going to be doing the baptism, there's a dinner and stuff afterward, big deal stuff.

Despite being exhausted, I toss and turn from about 2:30 when I go to bed after baby feeding, until about 4:30 when the frog wants food. At 4:30am, I feed the frog. At 4:45am, I have sudden onset, acute, motherfucking OW FUCK OW pain right below my ribcage. Can't breathe kind of pain. Very similar to my birthday in London, oh, say four years ago. Signs point to gallbladder attack/gallstones. MOTHERFUCK.

I wake the Academic Husband, he drops me off at the hospital, runs the aliens to his parent's house. At 5:00am. I cry through intake from the pain, get put into a room fairly quickly, get an IV, get morphine.

I like morphine. Morphine is KEEN. But I'm still crying, because they're talking X-Rays, they're talking Ultrasounds, and they're talking noon at the earliest before I can get the ultrasound done.

The baptism is at 10:00am.

So we're scrambling, trying to find a video camera, trying to find someone who can record it for me if I'm stuck in the hospital, and in the meantime, I'm bargaining with nurses, trying to find out if I can leave now that my pain is controlled, just for two hours, just for enough time to see my babies get baptized. We're debating (at the nurse's suggestion) just signing me out against medical advice, if necessary, IV heplock still in my arm.

And the the doctor comes back and says that they'll do the ultrasound tomorrow, gives me a few tabs of Dilaudid, and says to come back if the pain gets uncontrollable again, but other than that, it can wait until tomorrow.

You're not supposed to get married under the influence... I wonder if there are rules against getting folk baptized under the influence. Because WOW am I loopy right now. Did I mention I like morphine?

It's only 8:15am right now, and I'm already so totally done with this day. SERIOUSLY. I am on freakin' narcotics, and I have not yet SLEPT fortheloveofMishaCollins.

PS. I like morphine.
linden_jay: (Buffy BLEAH)
You know what's tiring? Canning pears.

You know what's really tiring? Canning pears and looking after twins.

I know I'll be grateful in a few months when the babies are eating solids and there's jars and jars of canned pears and peaches to work with. Right now?

Fuck, I'm tired.

(Also, there's the part where the Frog (and the Academic Husband) learned new words when a jar shattered as my mum took it out of the boiling water, all over the floor. Good times...)

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February 2012

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