linden_jay: (Jay and the AH)
So, okay.

Today, the boy was teaching an English as a Second Language class full of International students--basically instead of being immigrants, they're kids who pay to come and learn in Canada for anywhere from a term to a year, to their entire high school program. Some of you may recall that I used to work as a secretary for this program before I got all knocked up. The kids are from all over the globe, and they come in with varying levels of English, and varying levels of understanding of Western culture. This can sometimes get interesting.

Today, he had them in their ESL support block, where they were doing independent stuff, research, and conversation. As long as it's all in English, that's exactly what they're supposed to be doing. And the Academic Husband, he hangs out in the class on his laptop (typing away for Nano, I should add), and answers questions/helps as needed.

So, the kids are spread out all over the room, and the boy who is a Russian Jew from Israel (I'm not really so sure how that one breaks down, but lets just keep going) was having a chat with the Chinese girls, the newest student in the class being a boy from Saudi Arabia who was beside them. And the kids are chatting, and then the Russian Jewish lad (from Israel) puts up his hand, and asks the boy "what is this 'lesbian' mean?"

You know. As you do. )
linden_jay: (Frog and Monkey)
Academic Husband: *am eating in chair*
Frog: *is watching the mobile and sucking his hands*
the mobile: *stops*
Frog: "And then what? Don't cut me off like that in mid-story, mobile!"
Academic Husband: OM NOM NOM LINGUINI...
Frog: "Frog wants his stories back! Stories!" (Alternate text: "My interwebz is down oh noes the tragedy and the rocks falling on everybody fatally!")
Frog: *cries*
Academic Husband: OM NOM NO-wha?
Academic Husband: *stands up, presses the start button for another round of tinny midi baby Laser Floyd mobile action*
Frog: *huge, guffawing laugh; if he could slap his knee he would have*
Frog: "Oh, that scamp Xander!"

...and now the mobile's halted again... rage is building...
linden_jay: (Jay and the AH)
AH: *says many bad words* I have to go to my father's house to get at the very least a coat hanger so that we can try and unplug the shower. I will likely be returning with my father to help me. *pointed look at the Jay*

Jay: So... you're saying I should probably be wearing a bra under my shirt?

AH: Or at the very least not leaving it artfully draped over the back of the kitchen chair.

Jay: ... Fair enough.
linden_jay: (Jay doll)
So, I haven't talked much about the job that I accidentally got just over a week ago, but what it is that I'm doing is working as a library assistant at an elementary school. I check books out, re-shelve them, help kids find books, help the grade sevens with their knitting (it's a class project, and the teacher found out I could knit and roped me into helping, which is awesome), back up the librarian, and do pretty much everything else she wants. It's easy, but it pays well, and it's nice to be working somewhere that I'm always busy. Way, way too many of the jobs I've had you've had to look busy, even when you have nothing to do. Here, there's always something else I can be doing, which I actually really like.

So today, there was a grade one class in the library, wandering around and choosing books. I was mostly behind the desk checking them out for the kids, but I was ducking out every now and again, suggesting books, reminding the boys that Calvin and Hobbes is awesome, yes, but it doesn't count as a storybook, so they have to pick something else too.

I was back behind the desk again when this little curly-headed, black-haired elf-child came up and stood at the desk and looked at me, all big eyes. I give her my best 'I am a friendly and nice lady' smile.

"Can I help you find something?" She says nothing, just keeps looking at me for another few moments while I nod encouragingly. She leans forward all close and looks up at me again, speaking barely above a whisper.

"I really like your hair."

Jay. Ded. From. Cute. I swear. Ohmygosh.

I think I might be glad I accidentally got this job.
linden_jay: (Mean Girls- Dramatic)
So, tonight, I thought I'd be Clever. I was tired of unpacking, tired of showing up at my inlaws with laptop in hand like some kind of modern Oliver Twist, going 'please, may I have some internet?', so I'd go to *shudder* Starbucks. They have wee signs on the door saying 'hotspot', which I take to mean that you come in and they have internet and in exchange for a cup of something overpriced and overflavored (I don't drink coffee in any form, yes, I'm a freak) you get to fuck around on the internet for awhile.

Well, of course not. That's not exactly how it works. You can do all that, sure, but you have to pay. By the hour, by the day, or you can charge it to your mobile phone. I suppose I should have known all this, but I am, as I said, coffee shop challenged. Sigh. So now I have a cup of soy hot chocolate (don't tell me soy tastes just the same as milk--I don't even like milk at the best of times (allergic) but this shit is VILE), and the world's most tasteless rice krispee square ever, and one hour of paid time to muck about with.

I think tomorrow I might just go back to being Oliver Twist.
linden_jay: (Ewan McGregor has come for the porn)
So, the AH's substitute teaching position today?

Dance.

I've been making fun of him since he got the call. Of course, teaching dance for him has turned into letting both classes watch Step Up (which means he has to watch it twice), but still. Poor, poor Lutheran boy, teaching dance. I'm gonna get a LOT of mileage out of this one, I tell ya.

In other news, I'm officially on the on call list for the school district as secretarial relief. And I just got my first posting--a whole week of working in an elementary school library for half a day, each day. I guess I really am going to need to go out tomorrow and buy a pair of shoes. Damn.

I'm still waiting to hear back about the actual job I interviewed for, but they said it would be awhile before I heard back one way or another, so I'm trying to be patient. But in the meantime, sorting books and helping little kids check them out? Sounds good to me, dude.

My mom and I are going on a massive trip to Superstore tonight to build up stuff in my kitchen, which should be totally awesome in that I will then have FOOD. Which probably means I should finish organizing the kitchen-ack!

Two more days until I have internet at my house again. Believe me--I'm counting.
linden_jay: (Ewan McGregor has come for the porn)
Oh lord. Note to self--muscle relaxants make the Jay goofy as FUCK.

I've got recurring (for the past few weeks or so) intermittent pain behind my right shoulderblade, and I don't know what or why--it doesn't feel like I've pulled anything, more like something is just pinched or pissed off. It'll be la la la la fine, and then instant stabbity pain of death so bad that I can't even breathe, and then it goes away again. Tylenol and Ibuprofen (which does nothing for me at the best of times--seriously, it's like swallowing an M&M and calling it medicine) are doing dick, so I got AH to pick me up some extra-strength Robaxacet, since usually it takes a Mack truck's worth of meds to get anything to affect me (post-surgery, I had a pain level of about five or six, and three morphine shots later and I was still exactly the same. Totally disappointing). But Robaxacet?

Goofy. As. Fuck. I just spent five minutes laughing my ass off and when AH asked me what I wanted for dinner, I told him bacon and a Cadbury Creme egg.

I don't even like bacon.
linden_jay: (Supernatural- Boy hands communicating)
I've been slowly getting the Academic Husband to watch episodes of Supernatural with me... it's taking longer because he's not the mainline an entire season in a day or two type, like I am... he likes to watch one episode, then wait a few days, watch another. Episodic network television is MADE for people like him, I swear... I don't even think he minds hiatuses. He claims it's comic book training... having to wait a whole month for the next GI Joe and Captain America, back when he was a kid. Makes me nutsy.

Anyway--we've made it as far as In My Time of Dying (and don't even get me started on the fact that it took over a week between watching Devil's Trap and watching this--it was on a CLIFFHANGER!) and we were talking about it afterwards, and I was trying to taunt him into watching more episodes by saying 'but we must find out what it is that John whispered in Dean's ear!'

Academic Husband: *in John-voice* "Dean... we really could have afforded cookies all those years."

I only kicked him twice. I think that was restrained.
linden_jay: (Riley- Cowboy guy)
I've uploaded iTunes, and it's loading up my music library onto it's player, switching all the songs over and letting me know as it does, and it's gotten as far as Rufus Wainwright... which I found out when I switched back to that window and it said "Converting 'Gay Messiah'" And then I laughed till I almost sprayed Canada Dry out my nose.

ETA: Oh come ON! Now it's converting 'Not the Boy Next Door'. Let the gay boys ALONE! *giggles incessantly*

Uh... okay.

Nov. 9th, 2006 04:48 am
linden_jay: (Toby wrath)
So, I put my copy of disc one of season one of The West Wing in my computer DVD drive to watch, and the track listing and album cover comes up.

As "Bellydance Surprise... Queen of Flowers".

Oh, it's playing disc one of "The West Wing"... but not according to the track finder-thingie on my WMP.

I have like... no words.

!!!!

Sep. 22nd, 2006 10:27 pm
linden_jay: (Get Fuzzy- Dear Lord Make it stop)
oh my god!

My cat just defiled a carebear!

He dragged it off my dresser and made it his prison bitch!

My childhood will never be the same again.!
linden_jay: (Canadian Money)
All right- this is the once and for all definitive explanation on how Canadians make iced tea. Forget all that nonsense with putting things out in the sun and tea bags and boiling water and sugar and all that nonsense- THIS is iced tea- in steps, with pictures:

This is how we do things up North, y'all. Okay, we don't say y'all, but I like it... )

A bonus for those of you who don't actually know what Smarties are... )
linden_jay: (Kitty Pile)
So. My cat turned on the microwave last night. Was getting chased by the dog, and jumped up onto the microwave stand, wee back paws hitting the ever-so-convenient 'one minute' button at the top of the keypad.

Which promped me and the AH- at opposite ends of the living room to look at each other with much WTF in our eyes as we tried to figure out why the microwave was going.

And then me ass-hauling across the room to turn the cussed thing off... and falling down and giggling while the dog came over and decided just what I needed was a good lick across the nose.

Good times *snortgiggles*.

*fallscrashtosleep*
linden_jay: (Buffy BLEAH)
So- my dog Loki doesn't bark. Basically at all- we've worked really hard to train him out of it, because we live in an apartment, he's a big dog, and I don't want to get evicted for noise complaints. Plus, barking dogs make me crazy. The point is- it worked, and if he kind of grumble-barks four times in a week, that's the exception.

He's crated at night, which he loves, and he usually drops off fairly quickly after the Academic Husband goes to bed. Last night, about twenty minutes after they both crash, he barks. LOUD. So I go in, scold him, spritz him with water, and leave the room. Two minutes later, he barks again, bashing his crate around a bit like he's moving. I go back, scold him some more, totally confused, leave. (The AH, btw? Did not wake up once during this whole process). Another few minutes, and he barks AGAIN, even louder. So I go back, trying to find out, is one of the cats taunting him, is something wrong, does he need to go out...

... and I almost step in cat barf. Two piles of it, actually. Just a foot or two beyond Loki's crate.

Seems one of those mean, selfish cats set a treat out for him, just out of reach, and driving him crazy. Wicked teases, taunting him with that nummy smelling- *gags, cleans up cat barf, doesn't hear a peep out of puppy for the rest of the night*
linden_jay: (Skeletor- bitch please)
Fell asleep. Just past 4am. Pretty good night for me, really, crashing that early.

5:30 am.

Loki: Starts whining. And whimpering. And crying. And doing everything that says 'Please, Daddy-AH, let me out of my crate, 'cause I have to pee right now, I know I never bother you this early except every other morning when I do, but please please please let me out and if you could feed me too that'd be really nice please please please please *whimperwhimperwhine bang paws against metal crate*

Jay: *lies very very still and silent between hissed yells at puppy to 'shut the fuck up for the love of sweet crispy Christ, looks at the AH*

AH: *is dead to the world from weekend and evening of marking ridiculously bad student papers.*

Loki: *continues as aforementioned*

Jay: *waits as long as possible, absolutely cannot fucking take it, gets up, lets puppy out of crate, storms outside with AH's boots and a hoodie on over duckie jammies, holds Loki by the collar and order him to 'fucking pee goddamn you'

Loki: *finds position of Mommy-Jay with hand at collar to be confusing and undignified, despite formerly mentioned need to pee. Sits down and stares up with big adorable stupid eyes*

Jay: *drags his ass back inside, gets goddamned leash, takes him back outside

Loki: Promptly leaps a few paces, almost dragging Jay into the snow, and proceeds to make the snow all yellow.*

Jay: *drags his ass BACK inside, shuts his ass BACK in the crate, gets back into bed with a giant huff, lays down.

*two minutes later*

Jay: Is wide fucking awake. 90 minutes sleep- go me. So. Not. Impressed. So- anyone want a dog?
linden_jay: (Skeletor- bitch please)
I dread being scheduled to work Wednesdays. Well, I dread Thursdays too... and Friday... pretty much any day that ends in a ‘Y’. But Wednesdays are particularly gruesome if you work at a Famous Players Cinema, because of one thing *cue low ominous music*

Famous Babies. )

[Cross posted to [livejournal.com profile] customers_suck]
linden_jay: (Fett/Vader love)
So... an apple still counts as fruit, even if it's covered in caramel and sprinkles, right?

And milk is still milk, even if it's chocolate, right?

Pickles are a vegetable- and so is ketchup... and sugar- because, y'know, sugar cane grows...

So- what do the rest of you think? Inquiring minds (me) wants to know. Plus, it makes [livejournal.com profile] darknight999 turn funny colours, and that's always fun!
linden_jay: (Spike- this is just neat)
So,was at work today, standing on podium, taking tickets and talking to the Academic husband, who had dropped by to visit me, *squishes much*. And this adorable little boy, maybe two years old, definitely not three, comes toddling out of a movie with his older brother and Grandma. Grandma goes to the ladies room, asks older brother to watch little, which, 'course, he doesn't- grabs a magazine and sits down in the chairs to wait for Grandma.

So AH and I are keeping an eye on the wee one, who's just kind of toddling about in the lobby of the theatre, wandering aimlessly... until he sees the huge piece of popcorn that fell out of someone's bag onto the floor.

His eyes light up, and he's barrelling off towards this piece of popcorn like a fat kid on a smartie, and I know how nasty our floors are, so I'm saying, loud as I can, "No, sweetie- YUCK! Don't eat it!" but I'm too far away, and he has no intention of listening to me.

He sits down on the floor, (ew ew ew EW!) because he's not quite mastered leaning down to pick stuff up, slowly picks up the piece of popcorn, almost reverently, carefully gets to his feet, cradles it in the palm of his hand like it's something precious... )
linden_jay: (grrliz_icons- Padme dialogue)
Okay, this I've been meaning to post for awhile. One of my managers at work is a really nice, strange, and deeply deranged fella. We have a button on the Box Office computers that has a place for a description of the movie to be typed in- something quick and easy to read out to the guests [read- SC talk for customers] when they ask 'what's the movie about?' 'Course, since we're the only ones who can see the screens... aw hell, just read 'em.


Herbie: Fully Loaded:

Takes place at an Italian wedding where creepy Uncle Herbie takes advantage of the open bar.

Cinderella Man:

A man named Cinderella must learn to fight at an early age, for obvious reasons.

Bewitched:

Chronicles the dynamic story behind the entrepreneurs who created 'Bewitched', the haunting new fragrance from Ralph Lauren.

Pssst! In case you hasn't figured it out-- these are ALL LIES! And I have more behind the cut! )

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