linden_jay: (Firefly- Special hell)
Quick backtrack 'cause I'm an idiot and haven't posted an update--apparently I have a whole fistful of gallstones in my gallbladder. This, apparently, is a bad thing. Ya think? So, I'm seeing the surgeon in about an hour to discuss what's going to happen in terms of getting the annoying and persnickety organ removed. This is something I am not in any way, shape, form, whatever, looking forward to.

But my disappointment in people is different. Today, we received news from one of the AH's cousins, a very close family friend and Anglican priest, that he will be splitting from the Anglican church at large, and joining up with a much more conservative faction, largely because he cannot tolerate the recent progressive stance the church has taken towards homosexuals, and in particular, gay marriage. Which, y'know, is already legal in Canada. Has been for quite some time. But the Anglican church wants their priests to be able to bless same sex marriages in the churches itself. And he can't abide by that.

This is a guy who did a degree in theatre--he's a brilliant actor and singer--and has been performing since he was a little kid. He's kind, he's smart, he's the last person I would have ever expected to take such a negative and conservative stance. And yet, he has.

I'm just... so discouraged about this. I expect better of my country, my friends, and my family. I expect better of a person I've respected and liked since I was sixteen years old. I expect better of the man whose daughter I'm godmother to. And I just... *hands*. I don't know what to say to him. I don't know how to talk to him. And I don't know what to do.
linden_jay: (Linden_jay)
[livejournal.com profile] linden_jay: Created on 2004-07-05 00:59:04 (#3697125), 570 Journal Entries, 2,538 comments received, 4,325 comments posted

Five years ago today, after about five months of lurking and reading, I decided to bite the bullet and create a livejournal. Not that I thought I'd ever use it, but a lot of people were flocking their porn back then (as it was in the beginning, is now and will be forever, amen), and I didn't want to be left out. Three days later, I created my second journal, joined my first RPG (despite never having written a word of fanfic), and met the first in what would become a series of amazingly wonderful and talented people.

I've made friends who I'm still blessed to call mine. I've lost friends who I still miss, some through burning up, some just faded away. I've co-written millions of words (between the games, fic, and meta verses I write in, no, I'm really not exaggerating). I've traveled for hours by bus and by plane to visit people I'd never seen in person before I stepped off the bus/plane. I've talked on the phone or by voice chat to people from across the country, across the continent, and across the globe. And yes, once that resulted in me accidentally dropping into a North Carolina accent while I was at work, which was embarrassing, but still worth it.

If you're wondering why I'm crossposting an entry about my anniverary on livejournal to other journaling systems, it's because this anniversary isn't just about five year on livejournal. It's about five years of community. Five years of the best and the worst of what the internet, fandom, and online friends and enemies can offer. Five years of laughter, tears, grief. Of death, and of birth. It's about friendship, and knowing that wherever I go in the world, there are couches and spare rooms I can sleep on. It's knowing that I've been able to be there for friends when they needed me, and that when I've needed them, my friends, and complete strangers, have stood up for me.

Once upon a time, I didn't understand how people could think that they could make friends online. How could it be real? You could be talking to anyone! And then, five years ago today, I started a journey that taught me just how wrong I was. So today, I just want to say thank you. To everyone I've known, everyone I know now, and everyone I'm going to meet in the future. For good or for bad, you've all changed and enriched my life in ways that I can't even express. And I'm grateful for that. I'm grateful for you. All of you.

With much love,

Jay Linden.
linden_jay: (Buffy-Angel angst)
And staying that way. We just finished our last performance, and I am exhaustipated. It was fun, it was the realization of a dream, and now I want to fall down and sleep for a long, long time. But instead, I'm going to get up and work at a stupid hour of the morning, then fly to Calgary to visit [livejournal.com profile] ashinae, which should be fun, if not relaxing. There will be lions and tigers and bears, oh my!

I suck at going on trips though. I just spent an hour frantically looking for my wallet, which has all my ID in it, only to find it on my desk buried under a McDonalds napkin. Yes. I am JUST that cool. Either way, I have my ID, and my heart can start beating again, and more importantly, I can finish packing so that I can go to SLEEP already.

I haven't seen SPN yet, since I can't find a download and I was at the show when it aired, so I'm gonna have to really really hope I can manage to not get spoiled for a few days. And agonize. Lots.

I miss everyone, and I want to send extra love out to those what need it, and come next week, I should be back and Jay again. Which is good. I've missed that girl.
linden_jay: (CM- My fandom's Mom...)
Good. Grief. Tired. Seriously, omg tired. And if I've got any sense or logic, I'll be at least trying to go to sleep in the next ten minutes or so.

I'm still so far behind that I can't even get close enough to kick my own ass. I spent the weekend at a Shakespeare festival with a bunch of the drama kids, attending workshops and watching performances and stuff. We've got a few more shows left and then we're closed, and I'll be getting my life back after working on one show or another since September. I love these kids, and I love theatre, but fuck, I need the break.

I've got so much stuff that's been going on that I don't even know where to start. My mother and sister are on vacation in Greece and Italy, so we'll be celebrating my birthday (and the AH's, and my father's) once they get back. I'm finally just about over being sick, although I'm still coughing my guts out like a wounded seal every time I do anything that gets me breathing too quickly.

And I'm about to go on my second meet-a-fandom-person-in-real-life trip! Just over a year after I met [livejournal.com profile] apetslife, I'm going to get to meet [livejournal.com profile] ashinae, which will be shiny! I really have to get my act in gear and get myself a passport so I actually can take advantage of the opportunity to meet a few more people, since most of you aren't in, y'know, Canada.

Okay. Sleeping for now, work tomorrow, then drama rehearsal, then actually home for a whole evening! I may have to pinch myself.
linden_jay: (Buffy-Angel angst)
I seriously don't even know where to start.

I owe emails, comments, tags, posts, meme thingies, and more. I owe thank yous to so many people who were wonderful and supportive and said and thought lovely things for me and my family while we were being with my Nana as she died. And I still need to figure out how to grieve for her, because I don't feel like it's happened yet.

I'm behind at work, my house is a disaster, my show opens in 3 days, and I'm now acting in it as well as co-directing, and it's not ready. I know, I know. No show is ever ready. But it's stressing me out. I don't have my lines completely memorized. There are props I still need to pick up. There are scenes that don't feel properly blocked. Two more rehearsals and we're on.

And now I'm sick. I woke up feeling like a Volkswagon was parked on my chest, and I almost immediately started coughing so hard that I came close to throwing up, the spasms taking over completely, plus I ache all over like I've been beaten. It's the bronchitis/flu combo, showing up every 9-15 months for me like clockwork. Awesome timing. really great. And this week, I have to work two days for the secretary, which means a 7:30am start.

Seriously? Seriously? Seriously.
linden_jay: (Christian and Jensen- Country boys)
If I ever finish the '100 things about Jay' meme that I started oh, quite some time ago, one of the things that will be listed on it is my love/fear relationship with horses. I think they're beautiful and wonderful and cool and shiny and all things good, and they scare the absolute PISS out of me. They're big! And too damned smart! And I fear their hooves and how they could stomp me into Jay-pudding. But at the same time as the aforementioned scaring-the-piss-out-of-me, I love them and think they're wonderful.

The most wonderful one I've met is [livejournal.com profile] apetslife's pony, Dom. I got to meet him when I met her, back last spring, and he's just the sweetest, cutest, suck of a pony ever. Like a big puppy, really. Even I, scaredy-pants that I am, wasn't afraid of him, and was snuggling him before long.

And Dom needs some help. He's having eye surgery this weekend to correct blindness in one of his eyes and cataracts in both. As you can imagine, pony-surgery isn't cheap, especially since you can't just put them in the back of your Honda and take them to the vet. There are trucking costs involved, the surgery costs themselves, and medication following the operation. [livejournal.com profile] apetslife's been working her butt off at two jobs to save up and pay for it, and manage to feed herself as well (although sometimes I wonder about her... I think she'd live on noodles and vitamin water if it would mean her horses got something they needed, bless).

If you're able to help, and chip in even a couple dollars, she's got a paypal link set up on her livejournal. If you've got a few dollars you can spare and you'd like to donate to help the pony-love-bug, that would be beyond lovely. I don't know how to make icons, and I don't solofic, so I can't offer that in exchange, but I can rant and rave about things! Yeah, I'm kind of useless. But either way--whether you can chip in or not, spare a few thoughts for [livejournal.com profile] apetslife's pony this weekend. Thanks, everyone. *big Jay squishes*

Donation link and picture beneath cut )

*flop*

Jan. 26th, 2008 12:35 am
linden_jay: (Heroes- Just a paper salesman)
Just dropping in quicklike to let you guys know that I'm here, I'm safe, and dear lord on toast do I hate the bus. It was a long, boring, tiring trip, cramped and boring and I had to share a seat with an overly perky psychology major. Honestly, does it not make sense that if a person is wearing earphones and there's sound coming from them, they're not interested in chatterating? Apparently it wasn't clear. SIGH.

It was mostly okay though, I suppose. I'm not looking forward to the trip back, mostly because there's a HUGE fucking snowstorm on the way. This part of the province are almost as wimpy as those of you in Southern Places where it doesn't snow (Jess). A few inches and they freak. Which makes it not too much fun.

But I'm here, my sister's well, and we spent the night chatting while I made fun of reality television. Standard, really.

I miss my home. And my boy. And my cattens. And my boy. And my people. And my boy.
linden_jay: (Balian drums are calling)
Okay, so this is off with me. In... roughly twelve hours I'll be in Vancouver, being picked up by my sister at the bus depot. Joy. How do I love buses? (Hint? Not even a little bit.)

The funeral service is tomorrow afternoon, then I'll be leaving early Sunday morning and back home early Sunday evening. Roughly sixteen hours of bus travel in a thirty-six-or-so hour period. Eesh.

Thank you to everyone for your good thoughts. It means a lot--truly.

See you in a few days.

Love.
linden_jay: (Balian drums are calling)
So. This is the other side of Christmas. It makes me sleepy, but not tired. Thank goodness I've got two weekends and a full week before I have to go back to work.

Christmas was... I guess it kind of just 'was'. Things were quiet, and hard sometimes, but all right. We made it through, and no one tried to force anyone to be all jolly when they weren't in the mood for it, which was a serious blessing. I don't think I would have taken that particularly well. The hardest parts were being at my inlaws place, with all of the Academic Husband's cousins around. All around and about the same age as Caelin, all happy and, well, alive. Which of course is a good thing, it just made me miss what I don't have anymore, which was hard. Also, my aunt and Caelin's sister decided that I should have the cowboy hat that was passed down to Caelin from our Grandfather, and it was given to me as a Christmas present. That almost started me crying. I'll have to post a picture of the hat sometime.

I didn't get much of a chance to be online over Christmas, and I kind of kept myself from posting or commenting, since I really didn't feel like being the person who brought people down. It was kind of like that in person too... I just let everything be quiet and kind of happen around me for a few days, and stayed on the periphery. Low-key.

Things still haven't hit. I can feel it somewhere in the background waiting to smack me upside the head, but I've been pushing it off and pushing it off since it happened. I don't know if I can say that I 'like' my denial, but I just haven't been ready to let go of it yet. I know it will happen when it does, whether I want it to or not. I'm just trying to be patient with myself right now.

I probably should be cutting this since it's getting a little long, and I'm about to get politely preachy, but this is important enough to me that I hope you'll all indulge me this time, since I'm usually nice and kind to flists, cutwise. For anyone this refers to, please don't take it personally, or as though I'm lecturing you or trying to guilt you, just as a soft and gentle plea.

If you smoke? Please try to stop. I'm marked by my experiences, I know. I watched my grandfather die at 67, perfectly healthy in every other way but for the emphysema that had ravaged his lungs. I'm now watching my grandmother live out her senior years alone, missing him, and I'm trying to forget those last two days of watching him in the hospital, fighting for every breath. I think it was pneumonia that took him as well, like Caelin.

I know you've all listened to me talk about him, you know that he was only 30. He'd smoked for half his life, and between that, his asthma, and the fumes from the pulp mill in the town he lived in, the way he wheezed when he talked, he sounded like a man twice his age. We've been told that the pneumonia that killed him was exacerbated by the fact that he smoked, and its painful to us to know that maybe, just maybe, we didn't have to lose him.

As I said, this isn't meant to be guilt, and I sure as fuck know that quitting isn't an easy thing to do, for any number of reasons. But think about it, won't you please? For yourselves, and for the people who love you and want to keep you with them.

*steps off soapbox, and turns off the lights*
linden_jay: (Jay Goose)
I think, all too often, we don't take the time to tell the people in our lives how much they mean to us. I know I'm certainly guilty of that, even though I'm blessed to have wonderful friends and co-writers who I love and appreciate and am so glad they're in my life. So when an opportunity comes up for me to tell one of them how much they mean to me, you can bet your ass that I'm going to take it.

Today is darknight999's birthday. )
linden_jay: (James Purefoy- giggle)
Also packing tape, and balled up newspaper, and other moving related nonsense. Except that no, I don't love these things, and I'm totally fibbing because yeah. No. And we haven't even really, really gotten into an unpacking groove yet, because we've had company for the past two days. Now, granted, he was here on a research trip, and he couldn't really help the timing because it was sandwiched in around a conference and his flight home, but there's been better timing in the world. I feel like it's kind of knocked us off our momentum... we were unpacking and finding stuff that we needed and everything, and now we've spent the past few days driving around and visiting and just not doing much of anything at all. Which is kind of irritating. But he's gone now, back on his way to Ontario, and we can get back doing that whole unpacking thing. Joy.

The cats are giddy though, finally having space to run around in. They're spending all their time going from room to room, hanging out on top of the fridge, generally making a nuisance of themselves. It's pretty cute.

I've been looking all over town, and I have yet to find a place that has wireless internet, and is open past nine pm. The joys of living in a small town, man, I tell you. Only four more days, I know, but gah. Annoying.

I miss writing, and I miss everyone SO much, but it is wonderful finally being in our own place again. I feel like I have room to breathe again. I've got my dishes, and my things organized in my fridge, the way I like it. It's amazing how fast that's the sort of stuff you really miss. Yes, I organize my fridge. Yes, as I've said before, I'm a total and utter dork. I've dealt with this.
linden_jay: (Chris Kane- cowboy hat Kane)
So, last night, I got to spend my first full day and night all by myself since we moved here. Bliss. Seriously. I got to run around and sing along to the Dixie Chicks at the top of my lungs, and watch six episodes of Heroes, and eat white powdered donuts without my dad acting like they were going to kill me (seriously, this isn't Flowers in the Attic, Dad, they're not poisoned), and just fuck around on the internet all evening. I've been needing to do that for way, way too long.

The fact that my night out here at my parents place all on my own happened to coincide with my ninth wedding anniversary, well, that was not so ideal. But, he was helping his sister move all evening, and I needed to be out here with the cats, so we sucked it up. Honestly, we've never had any luck actually doing something for ourselves on our anniversary anyway. We've always been moving or traveling or moving or a pet gets sick or there's been a family party or just something happens to get in the way. So, no big. Once we have our own place, we'll have a birthday/anniversary/housewarming party, to make up for it all.

Today is The Fair. It's an annual event, with all the traditional stuff. Rides, games, livestock... whatever. My best friend from all the way back in elementary school is in town, and we're going to go together. Should be seriously entertaining *g*.

And this weekend, I go away to a wedding on the Sunshine Coast. I'll be gone Saturday, Sunday, and Monday, for a combination wedding/family reunion. On an island on the ocean. I'm planning to take about seven thousand pictures, so you'll all see what it looks like.

More later, after The Fair! MWAH everyone!

1979.

Jul. 14th, 2007 01:15 pm
linden_jay: (Jay tree)
The year, and the Smashing Pumpkins song. Almost everyone in my grad class was born in 1979, which made us all graduates in 1997. Which makes today my 10 year high school reunion.

No big deal, really... it's just a picnic in a local park for whoever can make it. Hot dogs and burgers, coolers with beer, volleyball and swimming in the lake.

Seeing who's done what. Who's gotten fatter (that would be me), who's had kids (that would not be me).

I'm not dreading it or anything, I just don't particularly want to go. There's maybe 3 people that I feel like seeing, and I'd rather go out and get a drink with them, sit out and talk, whatever. But, well... I'm going. And I'm going to hope that it's fun and that there's more people that I really want to see than I realize.

Wish me luck.
linden_jay: (Jay doll)
It really does feel kind of surreal, honestly. I fought getting a journal for a good... well, since about February of that year, which was when I found fanfic. I didn't see a point in having a journal--I didn't think I'd ever use it. I didn't write, I didn't even beta, and I was too shy to leave feedback or comments, even anonymously.

Apparently some things changed. Quickly too. Within two days, I'd joined a roleplaying game, even though I'd never written so much as a line of fanfic. I made friends in that game who I'm still close to today, people who I can't imagine not knowing, people I'm still writing with even. And that game led to others, to new writing partners and friends and a whole community that I feel lucky to be a part of.

It still blows my mind how many things changed all starting from that one simple act--Jay's first livejournal. The people I've met, the things I've learned, the books and music and TV and film and cultures and experiences that I'd never even have thought about or looked twice at that have been delivered here, right to my metaphorical door, opening my mind and my heart and my world.

Some things haven't changed. I'm still too shy most of the time to comment or leave feedback, anonymously, or with any of the well over a dozen journals I've got now. But I'm so, so glad that I'm here. Even when I don't peep my head out to tell people so.

I'm a better person, a more interesting and complex, thoughtful and happy person, for having known you all. So thank you, all of you, so much for that.

Love, Jay.

Okay, so.

May. 15th, 2007 02:46 am
linden_jay: (Buffy-Angel angst)
The good:

- I had an awesome weekend in [livejournal.com profile] apetslife-land. We watched SPN and bird documentaries and put together an exercise bike (I tell you, we are party people, man!), and chattered our heads off pretty much non-stop. Oh, and I got to visit the worlds cutest pony who did not eat me or even freak me out at all (usually I have some pretty serious horse-fear, but he was a complete doll). There were awesome hot dogs and talk about Winchesters and RPGing, and it was completely worth the ten-plus hours on a bus each way. The move back to BC and everything around that has had me massively stressed lately, and being able to take a weekend and just RELAX and have fun and not be staring at everything I should be cleaning and/or putting in boxes was exactly what I needed.

More of the good stuff... )

The bad:

- I have the plague. Or something. I feel like I got run over by one of those buses that I rode for all those hours, for serious... my throat is killing me and I'm blowing my nose every two seconds, and I feel like death even though I slept for ten hours last night, then another five hours this afternoon/evening, and I'm about to crash now, about 3 hours before I usually do. AWESOME. Just what I need in the final week of packing/cleaning/organizing before a cross-country move.

More of the bad stuff... )

I'm off!

May. 11th, 2007 07:05 am
linden_jay: (Christian with Cross)
Thank you to everyone who wished me a happy birthday yesterday--good wishes, cards, posts, emails and presents, I was really and truly spoiled--thank you all.

And for now, off I go to visit [livejournal.com profile] apetslife for the weekend! This is my first meet-an-online-person-in-person, and I'm totally excited, even with having to ride the greyhound for, well, ever. Oh, and I haven't slept yet, in the hopes that I'll sleep on the bus. It'll be character building or... something.

So--be good, no wild parties, no fires (that's my job) and I'll see you all sometime Sunday night.

MWAH!
linden_jay: (Harry- Jay)
Ma Lex,

Have a wonderful, happy, perfect, great, marvelous birthday!

*hugs squishes and love*

Birthday pretties... )
linden_jay: (Chris Kane- cowboy hat Kane)
Okay, so the academic husband is going to mock me like hell over this 'cause he was talking tonight about a joke about someone blogging about blogging... which was... kind of what I was planning on doing tonight. Mean boy--now I'm all self conscious and stuff!

But whatever--I've been thinking that I need to use my journal more, try and download some of the stuff in my brain, see where it goes, so if that means I'm blogging livejournaling about blogging livejournaling, that's just too bad. I spend way too much time tripping over my head--I can think of about 5 different things that I wanted to post on, but then my brain starts arguing about which I should post first, and then my head hurts and I ignore it and do something else.

SO. Oh look--it's a New Year, and Christmas is over, and so is 2006. 2006? Not a stellar year for me, or for a lot of the people I know and care about. Not at all sorry to kick it's sorry butt out the back, 'cause while I can't guarantee that 2007 will be better or worse, or anything... at least it's not 2006. Christmas was quiet for us this year, which I was fine with, since we couldn't go home, but a lot of people made it lovely for me, and I'm overdue in saying thank yous over that.

Christmas continued... )

In non-Christmas/New Years related stuff, tomorrow I go to see the new Bond movie. I was kind of whatever over the idea originally, but circumstances have changed somewhat since then, (blames [livejournal.com profile] apetslife *g*) and since AH still wanted to go, I agreed. The last movie I saw in the theatre was Pirates of the Caribbean 2, so I think I'm due.

Okay... no one's gonna believe this, but I'm actually going to sleep *blink*. I've been tired and azure all day, and I need to shake this off.
linden_jay: (Yellow rose)
Thoughts after trying to go to sleep and failing. )

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