linden_jay: (Aliens hold hands)
Both my family and the Academic Husband's family have a habit/flaw/whatever you want to call it that drives me absolutely crazy. They don't tell you things. They aren't generally keeping them from you, no. It's not as simple as that. They just... don't pass important information on--information that other people might really like to have.

The AH's cousin is due to have her first baby this month, July 25th. She and her husband were lovely when we had the twins, and I've been looking forward to being able to give a little bit of that back. She came and visited me in the hospital when I was trapped there for almost two weeks, and was generally lovely. So, when I talked to my mother in law this afternoon, and asked her how T was doing, and asked what her due date was again (because I'd forgotten), she kind of went 'oh, just wait until I tell you' in that wry way that is textbook my mother in law (I love my mother in law, btw. She is made of awesome and sunshine, and she never does this to me).

She tells me that T's doing great, since she's just been released from the hospital for the weekend, where she's been for a week, on mandated bed rest, due to skyrocketing blood pressure. Oh, and she's being induced on Monday, about 3 weeks early.

O.o

I go "UH!" and she goes, but wait wait--the reason why she didn't tell me is that her sister, this baby's about-to-be-grandmother, didn't tell anyone that T was in the hospital until this morning.

*FLAIL*

So... just to make this a little bit less about me, and a lot more about where it should be, which is thinking of T and her husband and their wee one... can you please all do that? I'm not sure of anything medically regarding how she's doing, just that it seems they can't be panicking that much if they're willing to let her go the weekend at home from the hospital so that she can be induced on Monday when it's not a long weekend. But even still, high blood pressure and early babies and inductions make me worry. So if you could please think good thoughts for T and her little person, I'd appreciate it.
linden_jay: (Natalie- The Professional)
Okay. I have Things, and I've decided to separate them into two different posts, because they're whoa nelly different, and combining them would feel wrong. This post is all made up of good things. Thinky things and bad things will come later.

Today, I had a low-key and totally awesome birthday, which is just the way I like them. )

Oh, also randomly, I have a Wonder. Is there an icon that you particularly associate with being 'me'? I ask this because there are people who are much more locked into a default than I have always been, and I don't know that I've got an icon that I super regularly use as 'me', and yet there are lots of people who I totally associate with a particular icon.

This came up tonight a few times, once when I linked to an icon which was totally blank and unfancy, with no name attached, but just from the specific picture, the person I was talking to said 'oh that's [so and so's] icon!'. So now I'm curious. What icon do you think of when you think of me? What says 'Jay'? (And if this is over on dreamwidth, I really need to get on that whole paid account thing so I can actually have my 'me' icons uploaded, and not just a few!)
linden_jay: (Baby is sleeping...shhh...)
It's been a full week since my interview, I've heard nothing yet, and they're still running the ad in the paper. I'm really not sure what to take from that... or what the policy is for what someone should do, in this eventuality. Is a follow-up email appropriate? Assuming I could find an email address to even write to. Gah. This is why I hate looking for work. Just hire me, people! I'm awesome! I will bring the internets to vouch for me! I'm organized and all kinds of shiny... can the people in my RPG who have seen my dorktastic organizational skills be my reference? Perhaps not.

The Frog and Monkey are mostly over the cold/flu/respiratory virus of doom, except that the Frog is still coughing his little lungs out. All night. Which wakes him up even more than usual, which wakes me up even more than usual. I can't tell if my sore throat is just a protest of the seasonal change and lack of sleep, or if I'm getting sick...er. Since I don't know that I ever got over being sick in the first place.

It's kind of ridiculous the stuff that happens while under the influence of lack of sleep. I know that the Frog woke me up at sometime past 5:00am. I know that I took him to bed with me and we both fell back asleep. I know that I did not put him back in his crib. I have no memory record of the Academic Husband coming in and relieving me of the Frog. So, at some point, he came in and like, literally took my wee one out of my arms and spirited away with him... and I do not remember this at all. One hopes that if it were someone, y'know, OTHER than my husband doing that, I would remember it. SIGH.
linden_jay: (Get Fuzzy- Dear Lord Make it stop)
I remember when baby sneezes were cute. Kind of wee tiny and precious and adorable. That lasts as long as them getting their first icky disgusting head cold. Which, okay, they're mostly better now--no fevers, not so congested that they can't function, but they're still coughing, and there's still STUFF. It's like they're little ticking time bombs of gross. Look at them wrong, and they EXPLODE.

And of course, their little noses are sore, so trying to mop them up with a tissue or a cloth, no matter how gentle, produces shrieks so loud that any minute now someone is going to knock on my door and ask me what on earth I am DOING to those children you horrible woman.

This is my world right now. Grumpy, post-cold, current-disgusting children who think sleep and tissues should be outlawed under the Geneva Convention. The next person that tells me that having twins must be so much fun/omg, I wish I had twins/it can't be that much harder than a single baby? They're getting kicked in the shins.

With steel toed boots. I'm just saying.
linden_jay: (Frog and Monkey)
Why? Because this is my wee frog, who is still supposed to be a tiny baby and not growing up and getting ready for y'know, his own car, and university, and dating, and whatever, but here he is, at ten months, sixteen days, and he's standing, all by himself.



*does [livejournal.com profile] iharthdarth BREATHE*

I'm not ready! Where did my tiny wee alien who left the hospital at under five pounds go?

And you know, his sister's not far behind him. Look!



I think I really do need to go lie down. Or have a drink. Or a cry. My babies are growing up!

*awesome Hollywood t-shirt from [livejournal.com profile] sabrinagb

**awesome monkey dress from [livejournal.com profile] ashinae


A few more GIANT ALIEN pictures behind the cut... )
linden_jay: (Get Fuzzy- Dear Lord Make it stop)
I have a case of the pouts.

My boy is away, which was my idea in the first place, and I'm very glad he went and got some time off and had a vacation, because the last year or more has been really rough on him. Yes, it's been rough on me too, with the being pregnant and having twins and having two surgeries, but he's been the one who picked up the slack in absolutely every area of our lives, and done it amazingly, while working full time as a substitute teacher (which he really doesn't like, which is even more exhausting). So I don't resent him being away at all.

But this week has sucked. )
linden_jay: (Kitten- shite)
Fuck.

So, yeah. We've had family visiting this weekend, and that's been stressful, as well as completely blowing any sleep schedule that the babies have to shit, not that they take to scheduling all that well at the best of times. But you can guarantee that when they get home at 10pm, it's not gonna do anything good for getting them to sleep, and to sleep well. So two nights this weekend, it's been pretty much a wash as far as having them sleep anything even close to resembling the night. So I've been up with them a couple times a night, which I'm used to, but I've been struggling with sleep myself by the time I finally get them both down, or it's late enough so the Academic Husband can take over if they do wake up.

This whole time, we've had a double bed in the nursery, and one of us has always slept in the same room as the babies, either having one in each room, or both in the nursery and one of us in there. But they've been finally sleeping longer than 2 hours at a time (thank you Frog), so I decided to move the bed into the office, which is right next to the nursery, freeing up some room in the nursery for a couple of dressers, which we really need because baby clothes spawn more baby clothes. Especially socks.

It was six am before I think I finally went to sleep at all, maybe later, and the boy got a call that he had to work, so I had to be up again by eight. I got up, hung out with the babies, and since they were cranky (unsurprising), I put them both down to sleep by about eight thirty. Frog in the master bedroom in a playpen, Monkey in the nursery in her crib. I usually split them up for naps so that they don't disturb each other if one sleeps longer.

And I thought, hey, since I'm exhausted off my ass, why don't I try that 'sleep while the baby sleeps' thing that I've been hearing about. Apparently all the cool kids are doing it. So I went into the office (so not to disturb the Frog sleeping in the master bedroom) and curled up under the covers.

And I wake up at about 12:30, with my mom standing at the foot of my bed.

She and my husband had been trying to reach me, and couldn't. They called my cell phone, which was right next to my head. I didn't hear it. They called the land line, which is very loud and annoying. I didn't hear it. So my mom decided to swing by on her lunch break and find out if we were all sleeping. Oh, I was sleeping all right. But the babies weren't. They were in hysterics, screaming and crying, and I didn't hear it. Not a bit of it. I just kept sleeping. And there's no way for me to know how long they were crying like that.

So my mom calmed my sobbing children down, fed them lunch, woke me to check on me, let me sleep another hour or so, then woke me up for a shower before she left around two. And right now, I feel so guilty and horrible about the whole thing that I could either burst into tears or throw up. Maybe both.
linden_jay: (Frog and Monkey)
So just to get the obvious out of the way--I'm tired, I'm stressy, and the Frog has absolutely no concept of what sleep is supposed to be, or that it's a nice and good thing, and that all the cool kids are doing it. I'm feeling frazzled, I'm low on creative brain, which is making me feel even more frazzled, and I'm dog paddling as fast as I can, determined to keep my head above water.

That said? I really need to focus on the positive here, so this is going to be a post where I goo about my kids. And post a lot of pictures. You stand warned.

The aliens are just over six months old. )
linden_jay: (Jared and his emo hoodie)
I've been out of sorts lately, behind in writing and posting and commenting and tagging in all the games that I'm in, on my journal, on my everywhere. And it's been bugging me and stressing me out when I realized that it's been since sometime in August since I've posted anything, and that I've got a few tags that have been lingering since spring. I hate that. I hate not being organized, and I really hate being behind. And then I started doing the math on things.

In May--there were those baby-creatures who showed up, and a twelve day hospital stay to go along with it.

Summer--baby things, combined with insanely hot temperatures that made doing anything just about impossible.

And then? August hit, and that's when things really fell apart. )
linden_jay: (Firefly- Special hell)
Quick backtrack 'cause I'm an idiot and haven't posted an update--apparently I have a whole fistful of gallstones in my gallbladder. This, apparently, is a bad thing. Ya think? So, I'm seeing the surgeon in about an hour to discuss what's going to happen in terms of getting the annoying and persnickety organ removed. This is something I am not in any way, shape, form, whatever, looking forward to.

But my disappointment in people is different. Today, we received news from one of the AH's cousins, a very close family friend and Anglican priest, that he will be splitting from the Anglican church at large, and joining up with a much more conservative faction, largely because he cannot tolerate the recent progressive stance the church has taken towards homosexuals, and in particular, gay marriage. Which, y'know, is already legal in Canada. Has been for quite some time. But the Anglican church wants their priests to be able to bless same sex marriages in the churches itself. And he can't abide by that.

This is a guy who did a degree in theatre--he's a brilliant actor and singer--and has been performing since he was a little kid. He's kind, he's smart, he's the last person I would have ever expected to take such a negative and conservative stance. And yet, he has.

I'm just... so discouraged about this. I expect better of my country, my friends, and my family. I expect better of a person I've respected and liked since I was sixteen years old. I expect better of the man whose daughter I'm godmother to. And I just... *hands*. I don't know what to say to him. I don't know how to talk to him. And I don't know what to do.
linden_jay: (Buffy BLEAH)
You know what's tiring? Canning pears.

You know what's really tiring? Canning pears and looking after twins.

I know I'll be grateful in a few months when the babies are eating solids and there's jars and jars of canned pears and peaches to work with. Right now?

Fuck, I'm tired.

(Also, there's the part where the Frog (and the Academic Husband) learned new words when a jar shattered as my mum took it out of the boiling water, all over the floor. Good times...)
linden_jay: (Frog and Monkey)
Academic Husband: *am eating in chair*
Frog: *is watching the mobile and sucking his hands*
the mobile: *stops*
Frog: "And then what? Don't cut me off like that in mid-story, mobile!"
Academic Husband: OM NOM NOM LINGUINI...
Frog: "Frog wants his stories back! Stories!" (Alternate text: "My interwebz is down oh noes the tragedy and the rocks falling on everybody fatally!")
Frog: *cries*
Academic Husband: OM NOM NO-wha?
Academic Husband: *stands up, presses the start button for another round of tinny midi baby Laser Floyd mobile action*
Frog: *huge, guffawing laugh; if he could slap his knee he would have*
Frog: "Oh, that scamp Xander!"

...and now the mobile's halted again... rage is building...

Off I go!

Jul. 9th, 2009 09:52 am
linden_jay: (Firefly- Chain of Command)
I'm off to Vancouver Island for my baby sister's wedding. If it were anything else, would I be making a nine hour trip (which I'm spreading over two days) to attend a function with about 150, with two not-quite-two-month-old-babies? Um, NUH. But I love my sister, and I'm incredibly happy for her, so off I go, off I go.

I haven't slept in two days, Thing Two screamed for most of last evening to the point where my ears are still ringing, and the AH still has to finish a slide show/power point by Saturday afternoon.

Wish us luck surviving. Seriously.

Don't burn down the internets while I'm gone!

Love Jay.
linden_jay: (Linden_jay)
Jay is on her way home from the hospital again...WITH BABIES THIS TIME! Don't know when she'll get a chance to update, so I thought I'd drop a heads up.

That is all.
linden_jay: (Default)
When I went into the nursery to feed this morning, they greeted me with new hats on the babies and happy one week birthday greetings. The people here really are totally lovely.

I had my expected meltdown yesterday... I'd been doing way too long for way too well with my zen, and it lasted right up until they told me they were probably going to have to send me home yesterday. I listened to the doctor (who is pissed as hell that I might have to go home before the babies, and her level of pissed offishness is nothing compared to the nurses, which is nothing compared to the pediatrician, who wrote a bitchy note to the hospital bed assigning people saying that he wants me to stay. They're trying really hard, and if they can at all manage it, they will. It still sucks.

I called my mom right afterward, said "I'm okay, they're okay, now I need to sob in your ear for fifteen minutes straight". So far, I'm still here, but we're making plans for if I can't stay much longer, just in case.

The babies are doing really, really well. Healthwise they're awesome, it's just feeding that they need to figure out. Basically, they have to be feeding entirely on their own, without the tubes, for 24 hours, pass their carseat test, and keep holding their temperature in order to go home. We're still working on nursing every feed, and we're bottle feeding every alternate feed. Whatever they can't get by bottle goes in their tube, and on the alternate feeds they just nurse and get tube fed.

I'm exhausted, and doing the best I can to get sleep. That's today's real mission for me--to nap as much as is possible, more than I usually do. I'll probably even block off from visitors except my parents and inlaws. The boy is, of course, not a visitor, he is the boy and may come and go as he pleases. Oh man. When I have more time, expect a gushing post about how freaking amazing he's being, for serious. Just the baby talking voice whilst talking about Radiohead and politics alone is awesome.

Okay. Must go sleep. Love you all, miss you all so much. I want to answer comments and emails so badly, but I just don't have the time right now, which sucks! Please know that I've read them all, and that you really should be careful about being so sweet to a just-had-aliens chick... don't you know we have extra hormones and are all emotional? HEE!

Love so much.
linden_jay: (Candle)
Hey, everyone.

If I get a chance today, I'm going to do a me-update in a separate post, but I wanted to get this out first. I'm fine, the aliens are fine, but I'm going to ask you all for thoughts and prayers right now for my cousin.

Many of you know that my cousin has been pregnant this whole time I have, and the poor thing went overdue two weeks while the aliens ended up being induced and coming all early. She's had her baby now, a little girl, and according to what I've been told on facebook (no one's been able to actually tell me, but it is five am), she's been flown to Children's Hospital with a brain bleed. Her dad is with the baby, my cousin is still in the hospital she delivered in, and they'll be sending her to Children's by ambulance hopefully tomorrow morning.

I don't know anything more than that. I don't know how serious a bleed it is, and the only post I'm seeing is from five hours ago, so I have absolutely no idea what's happened in that five hours.

Please. Prayers, good thoughts, white light, anything you can send for my cousin Jaime, her baby, and the rest of our family.
linden_jay: (Default)
I have less than 20 minutes before I'm being baby-napped again, but I just got access to a computer in the patient lounge and wanted to say hi, to say that I can't wait to be able to check my email and actually see what sort of things people have said, and that I miss you all. I'm doing awesome, the babies are doing well, even if they're teeny and needing a lot of feeding help right now... we're on a 3 hour schedule. Every 3 hours they get vitals, nursing time, tube fed, and burped, then I have to pump, which if I'm lucky I get done in 90 minutes. Which leaves 90 minutes before it all starts up again to eat, pee, talk to the doctors, talk to the nurses and nutrition and lactation people, supervise the babies getting tests, shower, visit... you notice that there's no sleep anywhere on that list. Pretty much.

Also, I just wanted to let people know why it took so long to get any actual information out there. I was scheduled to be induced at 7:00am on Friday. Because the hospital was slammed when I got in, it was 4pm before we even got going, just past midnight before the babies were born, one am before I was up in my room, stoned out of my gourd, and well into the next day before the AH and I were even close to in a position to contact anyone. I got out an extremely brief call to Ash, promised to text her all the details I didn't get to tell her so she could update you guys with some actual information, and then fell asleep.

When I woke up, my sister had taken my phone so that if it rang she could answer it, and she took it back to my parents house with her (45 minutes away). We didn't find out it was missing until that night, and I didn't get it back until evening the following day (Sunday). All my phone numbers, all my everything was in that phone, and I had no other way to contact people. I got a phone call out to Fierce at the first possible opportunity, and I'm sorry that you guys were waiting and probably worried without much detail, but it just couldn't be helped. Blame my sister, if you want... she's the phone-napper.

I'm down to 10 minutes left, so I'm going to post this and scamper back to babies. I'll probably be in here a good few more days. I can't leave until the babies are feeding on their own, and right now, we're not even close. But healthwise, they're doing awesome. They're so, so beautiful (okay, biased, but still) and I can't wait to put up a picture.

Love you all, miss you all, and can't wait until the babies and I escape and get to go home.

Jay.
linden_jay: (Natalie--baby tummy colour)
It's also mocking me. If it were sentient, it would be giving me a raised eyebrow and going 'okay, seriously, with that tummy, with TWO babies in it, you really think I'm still up to the job, you crazy bat?' My bathrobe is mean.

I've updated my RL-stuff journal over here with a baby update, and I've eta'd it since I wrote it this morning. The thirty second version is: babies coming tomorrow. Or, getting kickstarted to come tomorrow. EEK. Am I ready for this? Oh, HELL, no. But then, I don't think anyone ever is.

In not-baby related news, I'm caught up on most of my shows, except for SPN, which I'm an episode behind on. We'll see if I get to that tonight, once the finale is aired. Somehow I think that considering I'll have limited online time in the next couple weeks, I might be able to avoid being spoiled until I get a chance to watch it. We'll just have to see what happens.

I turned 30 on Mother's Day, and I'm still waiting to feel, like, old and stuff. Is that supposed to happen when you turn 30? If it is, I think I'm kind of broken as far as that's concerned, because I still just feel like me. Perhaps this means I'm never going to grow up entirely. This would not surprise me.

Okay--off to sleep, because I am going to go out for dinner for my dad's birthday tonight (May is birthday month in my family, for serious), and then I might kind of be busy tomorrow. With stuff, and things. And stuff. See ya!
linden_jay: (Candle)
Strange sentiment, even coming from someone who's not currently working. But this entire weekend ranged from being either a complete waste of makeup, or just plain sad.

I feel petty complaining about the waste of makeup stuff in the same post as the sad stuff though, so I'm gonna just go with the sad.

My dad called me this morning to tell me that my aunt's step-son (cousin by marriage, I suppose) took his life last night. I didn't know him well, although he's certainly been at family gatherings and events that I've been to since my aunt and now-uncle got together, some five or so years ago. But we weren't close, weren't friends. I wish I'd known him better, even though it'd probably be making me sadder right now if I had.

But this is devastating for my aunt's husband, for her, for the surviving brother, and all of the family and friends around him who didn't know he was in that kind of pain. He hid it well, beneath a combination of anger and silence, and nobody guessed until it was well past too late.

I find it hard to talk about suicide because of the range of emotions it spins me into. There's deep sadness, there's grief--for the person who's died, but even more for the people left behind. There's frustration, there's anger. There's regret. And there's a lot of guilt, particularly for those left behind.

I really didn't know him well, although as I said, I wished I'd gotten to know him better. But if you could spare thoughts or prayers for the people in my life who this is hurting so much right now, I'd truly appreciate it.

I don't have a moral lesson in me right now... but just be good to each other. And be good to yourselves, please.

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linden_jay

February 2012

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